The Best Dating Apps For Serious Relationships
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Best Dating Apps For Serious Relationships
When it comes to dating apps, there is a lot of misconceptions about what they are, who uses them and their intentions behind them. Too many treat them like food ordering apps and expect people to be honest and appear in person like they present themselves on dating apps. This is simply not the case. Sure, it is an ideal approach but thanks to individual choice, one can never be certain about one’s intentions, let alone age of photos, editing used in photos and whether items like height are accurate.
As a dating coach for men and women, I have spent over 11 years working with individuals to help them understand the ins and outs of dating apps, uncover blind spots, create better profiles and screen profiles and read people so that they can save valuable time while trying to find love. It’s a lot messier these days thanks to addiction to apps, lack of free time, rise of AI and loneliness post-COVID.
One of the best articles I have uncovered is from the Atlantic talking about why finding love on dating apps is so hard – I recommend you read that. In a nutshell, it talks about how dating apps are a simple solution to a complex problem. A dating app is merely a tool, it’s just one piece of a puzzle.
Take the analogy of gym equipment - you may have asked yourself what it the best exercise to get in shape. The truth is, it depends. It depends on your technique, available time, diet, smoking/drinking habits, rest, form and more. By focusing too much on a single item, you ignore all the other things that complement the exercise or machine in question. Sure some are more efficient and effective than others but they can be a waste of time with the wrong approach.
Are You Ready For A Serious Relationship?
Think about it, aside from saving up for a home, career, health, career and family, a partner/spouse is arguably the most important thing you have to look forward to, and before you can find such a person, you have to date.
Most people just jump into dating without any help, research, planning, feedback, coaching or awareness of how hard it is to find someone to give you the most important thing they have in life - their time. Who you spend your time with is argubably the biggest decision one can make yet they often lack how much time it will take to do so. Sure, you can meet someone qucikly, it can happen with a matter of weeks, but it may never happen - it largely depends on you: your circumstances, effort, deal-breakers, ability to screen profiles, read people and more.
Just because people win the lottery and power ball sweepstakes doesn’t meet it happens to most people.
It’s important to invest time, effort and yourself into dating rather than use dating apps as a shortcut or quick fix. Chances are, if you struggle with dating and meeting people offline, dating apps may not help you. The same skills that enable people to date effectively via offline methods are needed to do well on apps.
Dating apps won’t help you if you:
Are too busy
Have unrealistic expectations
Have bad photos
Have poor lifestyle choices
Ignore other people’s preferences, deal-breakers
Don’t make an effort
Before you ask what dating app is the best for a serious relationship, you should ask yourself: are you ready for a serious relationship? Are you ready to be vulnerable, are you ready to set (and maintain) boundaries, do you know what you want (or at least don’t want), are you ready to make compromises, are you ready to invest in others and not just take from them? A lot of people who think they are ready for a long-term relationship rarely possess the attributes needed to make it successful once they find someone.
Even if you use the best apps below, doesn’t mean you will have success. Gender ratios alone mean that there is not enough women on the apps for men, which is why I always tell people never to use dating apps for all or even most of one’s dating efforts. Similarly, apps will vary based on things like age, orientation, religion, politics, age, geography and more which is why having self-awareness is key to avoid wasting too much time on apps. Lastly, if you lack things like friends, hobbies, social skills, and realistic expectations, apps may not be worth your time.
Chances are you may have used these apps with little to no success but it could be user error - a lot of folks have no idea what they are doing, ask friends who are biased or have advantages they don’t or goals, types or priorities different from them. Similarly, the crop of people on apps vary, so what didn’t work for you 1-2 years ago can change now.