Online Dating Etiquette
Online Dating Etiquette For Men, Women; Hinge, Bumble Etiquette: Dating App Etiquette: Swiping, Messaging, Replying, Comments, Time On Apps, Photos & More
Reader question: I am brand new to dating apps, what is the etiquette around using them, texting and planning dates?
More reader questions are answered here.
Dating apps have been around for some time, but despite lots of press and even FAQ’s from apps themselves, there is a lot of ambiguity around etiquette. Everyone has their own opinions, strategy and more but it’s often generic, all or nothing and fails to address context, nuance and personal biases.
Online Dating Etiquette
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Hinge Etiquette
There is no bio on Hinge and the prompts on the app are pretty limited so I recommend maxing out the prompt character space with as much detail, insight and personality. Sure, some people won’t read it, don’t care, only look at photos but if that is your audience, you do you.
The goal of dating apps is to attract what you seek not stereotype entire populations, assume the worse in people or even do the bare minimum and see what happens. Showing some effort and offering talking points will improve experience on dating apps (assuming you have realistic expectations, decent profile, use the right app etc.)
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Bumble Etiquette
Bumble uses GPS to determine location which is then used to serve profiles around you and serve your profile to others. There is nothing wrong with that except that it’s hard to decipher location when it is fluid and ever-changing.
There is a field called ‘lives in’ that you should fill in to let people know where you live otherwise you may be wasting your time and others as they swipe on profiles not knowing what kind of distance may be between them.
Dating App Messaging Tips
Keep messages focused and to the point. You want to balance being direct but not too robotic, social but not too chummy off the bat but beyond this advice, learning to read people is key. Asking questions like what are you up to and are you free a certain day can lead to more back-and-forths, slower responses and more unmatching.
Respond to messages end of day or next morning. If busy, traveling, then either don’t use apps or let existing conversations know. You don’t have to respond instantly but it helps to respond accordingly when engaging in a conversation, last minute plans or people are mimicking your tempo, vibe.
There is no need to get off the apps when messaging, no need to move to WhatsApp or IG before meeting unless that is a consensus but please note the more you move off apps, the harder it is to report profiles, bad behavior offline etc. in case things go poorly.
Dating App Etiquette For Men, Women With Kids
There is a field for listing if you have kids, you should use it. I get that some women may want to leave this blank either for safety reasons but in doing so, you may encounter more false positives with likes and matches, spend more time on apps which is perfectly fine if that is your choice but most women would prefer to spend less time on them as possible.
Men, same goes for you. Men with kids are more likely to leave this blank because they either think it will reduce their dating pool dramatically or possibly because they are an absent father. Regardless, the more you lie, the more you will get unmatched, blocked and reported which will signficatntly improve odds of getting banned on dating apps, wasting time on dates and being more frustrated than you already are.
Liking Etiquette On Dating Apps
A like on dating apps should be to learn more about someone and possibly meet them for a date but the latter is not a guarantee nor should someone assume it’s likely that a date is in the works. A like is an initial interest and that interest can quickly fade or change with other data collected through messaging, date planning etc.
You shouldn’t like a profile (especially like everyone) just to save time and see who likes you back) as that can lead to more inefficiencies on the app, worse profiles being shown and more likely that the people you are interested will leave the app because they found someone else sooner.
A like (in of itself) is meaningless on a dating app. Don’t read too much into it especially if no comment is attached. Sure, some people may comment later or may not know what to say in the moment but that is more the exception than the rule and the more exceptions you chase, the lower your odds for success on dating apps.
Have a question? Not sure how to approach a scenario? Leave a note below.