Online Dating vs. Real Life Dating
Online Dating vs. Real Life Dating; Online Dating Misnomer, What Is Internet Dating? Of Offline Dating Better Than Dating Apps?
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Online Dating Misnomer – Online vs Offline Dating
When it comes to dating apps and online dating, there are many terms, definitions and applications of the process, technology, expectations and connections that are formed from the use of desktop sites and mobile apps to facilitate introductions with a romantic intention.
The term online dating can mean different things to different people, and as such can have different social contexts and reactions that vary widely from person to person. If this is confusing, do not worry. Modern dating culture is a clusterf*ck.
Online dating to most people refers to the use of dating apps to facilitate in person dates, while other people refer to it as use technology to meet others but without needing to meet up anytime soon i.e. months or even years.
Internet dating can imply using apps and sites to meet people but for others, it can mean maintaining a relationship online mostly or only (odd, I know). Keep on reading to understand the differences between internet dating vs traditional dating and more.
Related read: Online Dating 101
What Is Traditional Dating? Meeting In Real Life
Traditional dating is when you meet someone in person and you ask them out on a date. No apps are involved. It could be a bar, cafe, social event, concert, dinner party or otherwise. People ideally live near each other where they can go on dates in person regularly.
Related read: Dating Apps For Beginners
What Is Cyber Dating? Online Dating Meaning
Online dating is a term that has been applied loosely to anything involving digital apps and websites aimed at connecting people via online profiles, photos and some sort of swiping, clicking or messaging.
Creating a profile on Tinder — is that online dating? Uploading photos to Bumble — is that online dating? Sending a message, wink or like — is that online dating? Depending on whom you ask, you might get a slew of contradicting answers.
For the most part, online dating is the process of using apps for eventual offline dates. Some people tend to take the term to literally and use it for the purposes of online relationships in which meeting in person is not a foregone conclusion. Think of penpals.
In theory, online dating should mean purely a means for introduction only i.e. met via a dating app and not used as a verb i.e. I am online dating. Use the same rules, principles and guidance you would for meeting people offline.
Don’t think online dating is different in that people are more honest about themselves. Be cautiously optimistic. Don’t waste time on those that don’t match your effort, enthusiasm and responsiveness.
Ask questions, take your time to get to know someone as you don’t have those queues available when you meet offline, organically.
Does Dating Online Work? Dating Online Vs. Online Dating
Dating online doesn’t work if you use apps and never meet. It’s a form of a long-distance relationship, but worse because some people have never met.
Just because you met through a dating app doesn’t mean you’re dating. Dating means you are going on multiple dates over time. If you went on one date, you are not dating (you just went on one date).
Online Dating implies you met through an app, are using apps to meet people but that you are actively going on dates offline after a few messages back and forth. It’s a misnomer that people misuse all the time.
Related read: Harsh Reality of Online Dating
Online vs Offline Dating? Online Dating vs Real Life Dating
You don’t date online. You use apps to get introduced to each other and then date offline in person. Just because you matched doesn’t mean you are dating. Just because you are chatting doesn’t mean you are dating. Even if you go on one date, doesn’t mean you are dating - it just means you went on one date.
Both strategies of meeting people on dating apps and in person are not mutually exclusive and should be used in tandem, but each approach requires a certain set of skills that not all people have.
Dating apps can be superficial. They can also result in more flakiness. Creating a great profile, using good judgment, helps with that.
How To Approach Dating Apps
What’s The Point Of Online Dating
In order to get the most out of dating apps, you need to be in a good place in your life and give it an honest effort. Dipping your toes in the water with incomplete profiles, bad photos, lack of self-awareness or no clue as to what apps are best can be a recipe for disaster on your mental health and well-being.
The first 72 hours of dating apps are extremely important in that those first impressions will dictate who sees your profile, how often it is shown and ultimately how well you will do on dating apps.
Online dating is a misnomer. You don’t online date — you meet someone via an online dating website or app. It is merely an introduction — view it as another channel to meet people in addition to your day-to-day life i.e. work, school, bar, art gallery, grocery store etc.
Once you meet someone via online dating site/app you exchange a few messages and agree to meet offline.
Online Dating vs. Traditional Dating
In Person, Internet Dating vs Real Life
People should ideally use apps to supplement their offline efforts to meeting people. If you are not good at meeting people organically, offline, dating apps may not be helpful. Dating app usage should be limited to 20 minutes a day, 3 times a week to start.
Once you match, it will take more time to cultivate relationships to lead to actual dates. Talk, flirt, establish chemistry and move offline sooner than later.
Do not overly invest yourself in a stranger you have not met. Talk to others, don’t talk every day and spend too much time with a stranger until you meet in person.
If you are have not seen any traction in 3 months of creating a dating profile, take a break, get independent help with your dating profile: photos, bio, app choice, wardrobe, smile, prompts and first lines.
From Dating Apps To Dates: Texting To Meeting In Person
Typically, 5–10+ messages are needed to secure a date or at least present the initial date idea (a few additional messages might be needed to confirm a date, time, location and details).
This is a rough framework in which you should approach messaging a girl once you match (or vice versa if on Bumble and the woman needs to initiate conversation)
1-3 message to say hi and mention something you saw on her profile and a follow-up question regarding clarification or more information re: photo, experience etc.
1-2 message to introduce a date idea with a specific day, time and location and nearby alternative plans i.e. walk, event or walking tour*
1 message to confirm the date or present another option if plan A does not work for her.
If you are not quite ready to meet in person, that is ok but inevitably that should be your main goal if you are on dating apps and interested in the person you are chatting with. Video dates are a good bridge to verify identity and move beyond texting.
Communicating After Matching On Dating Apps
The biggest problem people face when exchanging messages is spending too much time going back and forth with endless banter or flat comments. Look at other references, background info or other more interesting queues in which you can comment on from photos and profile info.
If you and/or the person you matched with does not have anything interesting on your photos or profile from which to initiate conversation, go back to the drawing board.
Get better photos and rewrite your profile — help the other person out but do not go overboard and write your entire life story.
When it comes to the date idea — be unique, be creative and do some research!
Grabbing coffee sounds boring but if you suggest grabbing coffee and going for an architecture tour, street art walk or floating houseboat tour, that sounds more interesting.
Researching dates, curating experiences and putting forth the effort go a long way. Do not become jaded if a woman turns you down. Move on.
Similarly, if a woman seems unenthusiastic or dull, move on as well. Guys need to set the tone and put in the effort not only to get the ball rolling but to gauge interest.
Do not waste your time messaging back and forth. Be polite, enthusiastic, and direct.
The more you try to play it safe or try to beat around the bush the more likely the other person will lose interest. If the woman has already matched with a guy, she has expressed interest in him, and he should respond accordingly.
If a woman flakes, do not take it personally. Move on. There are a lot of people on apps/sites who are curious or lack serious motivation to meet in person. Use good judgment and stop making excuses for the other person.
Is Online Dating Better Than Real Life Dating?
Even though once you meet in person all bets are off, there are some strong biases with dating apps. Most people are more selective on dating apps than they are in person.
An abundance of choice forces people to constantly compare one profile to the next. Those that take bad photos, are charming, or have other attributes not easily captured via photos may have a harder time with dating apps.
Dating apps require good photos and good context to tell stories, reveal personality and convey trust. Read this.
Online Dating vs Bars: Are Bars Better For Meeting People?
When it comes to bars, you can observe many things about a guy – is his height acceptable to you and is it accurate? Is he hitting on lots of other women? Is he drunk?
When it comes to dating apps, some guys lie about themselves and are on their best behavior, have time to write messages and can take their time to show themselves selves as they wish.
It’s harder to lie in person than it is with time, behind a screen.
Related read: How To Be A Barfly (Meeting People At Bars)
Is Internet Dating Harmful? Cyber Dating Crime, Statistics
Maintaining relationships online only can be dangerous and a waste of time. If there is no intention of meeting in person, what is the point? Many scammers try to keep contact only to wear down defenses, gain trust, and take advantage of lonely folks.
Some people maintain communication solely online because of distance, insecurity, privacy or other.
Related read: Online Dating Scammers