How To Be A Barfly: Meeting People At Bars
Meeting People At Bars, How To Make Friends At Bars; How To Be More Social At Bars; How To Talk To People At Bars When Alone, How To Be A Barfly, Etiquette,
Reader Question: How do I meet people at bars? No one wants to talk, everyone is on their phone these days, people are too busy with friends or with their dates.
Related read: More reader questions answered
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The Art Of Small Talk And Making Friends At Bars
Many people make the mistake of thinking this blog is purely for dating purposes. Yes, that is the title, and I can see why that can be an impression people have, but at the heart of dating others is learning to date yourself.
To me, dating oneself means being comfortable in one's own skin and developing the skills and mindset to meet others organically. Before you can date others, you have to be happy on your own, you have to be comfortable in your own skin.
Learning to be vulnerable, take risks, embracing rejection and learning to read people are the building blocks of successful daters and attributes most overlook, ignore or downplay. Yes, other things like first impressions, hygiene, social skills, politics, religion, and attraction matter, but the items above help people stand out.
Mindset & Biases
The reader’s question has given me much to work with and assume about their situation. I don’t disagree that more people are on their phones these days and more people are not engaging in casual conversations at bars (or at least I won’t waste my time trying to dispute it).
If you are the type of person who makes snap decisions and stereotypes entire groups of people or is a bit jaded, it will be exponentially hard to make changes in your life. A simple re-framing is enough to at least create the opportunity to welcome the idea that there are exceptions to rules and allow the ability for things to manifest in your life.
How To Meet People Alone At Bars
I meet people at bars often enough, whether with my partner, with friends, or by myself. Similarly, when I am alone, I meet couples, groups of friends, locals, and visitors.
Some configurations are better than others for meeting other singles, friends, or couples, but I go about things the same way - being present, interesting, and engaged in what others have to say.
Many people do want to chat and talk these days, but not everyone wants to do it all the time nor do they want to meet and talk to everyone at the bar. People like myself are pretty open, but my desire to speak to others depends on how I feel that day, how preoccupied I am with my thoughts or the people I am with, or what I think the other person can offer in terms of good conversation.
Below are some helpful and, at some times, over-specific tips to engage with others around you. Heck, I have witnessed on a few occasions people using my newsletter as a way to connect with others at bars.