Dating Pre vs Post-Covid: Is Dating Harder These Days? Online Dating Is Getting Worse
How dating has changed, evolved err regressed since 2020. Online dating Is getting worse. Dating market is getting worse. Is dating harder now? Is dating harder for men or women?
Reader Question:
I’m not sure what it is, but it seems on the whole that dating is drastically more challenging in a post-Covid world.
Dating Struggles & Frustration
Dating is brutal. It’s not just you. It’s not just your gender. It’s not just people in your location.
If you ask anyone, it’s actually worse than 4-5 years ago pre-Covid. People are more frustrated with dating now more than ever. Increased lying, catfishing, ghosting, married men and women on apps, paywalls, time-wasters, creeps and unwanted attention.
I’ll go over some of the changes on apps, culture, and also pose questions to you to ask yourself about what you are are doing or not doing to make the most of out of dating.
For those seeking one-on-one dating coaching services, check out my site here.
Work with men & women; offline & online efforts
Assess things like hygiene, first impressions, wardrobe, body language
Factor things like hobbies, social circles, available time, preferences/deal-breakers
Help with messaging, profiles, photos, bios/prompts, date ideas
Work with folks to ID red flags, cut off time-wasters sooner
Dating Is Worse Than Ever, Dating Market Is Getting Worse
There are many factors contributing to the decline of dating these days including:
Lack of mental health options
Unwillingness to discuss mental health problems
Isolation, WFH
Loss of friends (relocation, job loss)
People are less attractive, confident than they were 5 years ago
Jaded attitude
Using dating apps too much
Dating apps increased monetization efforts
Giving up on appearance, getting dressed everyday
Is Dating Harder Now?
People Are Worse Off Than 5 Years Ago
Before we discusses apps, entire genders and other people’s behaviors, let’s focus on you. People are quick to blame others before accepting responsibility for their own efforts (or lack thereof), self-sabotage and lack of self-awareness.
If you look at yourself now vs 5 years ago, what has changed?
Have you put on extra weight?
Are you going out less?
Are you more of a homebody?
In what ways have you bettered yourself? I am not saying it’s expected to be at optimal space in in your life at all times but a lot of people have become stagnant or are dealing with long last issues as a result of covid including:
Loss of business or job loss
Loss of friends
Poorer health
Poore mental health
Reassessment of life choices
There is nothing wrong with working on yourself and dealing with trauma and issues you need to take care of but it’s quite possible people have leaped you in that time. People have unrealistic expectations of others. At the very least, people seek out those who are ambitious, outgoing and have a plan. If this doesn’t seem like you, it might be helpful to take a break from dating until you are in a better place.
Online Dating Is Getting Worse; Dating Apps Are So Bad Now
Once Covid set in back in 2020, dating apps got greedy. They knew they had a captive audience with people unable, unwilling to risk health to go outside, socialize. Even if they wanted to go out, there were fewer things going on. Fewer events, fewer social activities, fewer 3rd places.
Dating app metrics surged during Covid in terms of users, time spent on apps and money spent on apps. Dating apps collectively reduced functionality in the free aspects of their free accounts and jacked up rates.
If anyone is surprised, you must be dililusional. You probably didnt’ expect Lyft, Uber, Airbnb to jack up rates either. These businesses are subsidized by VC’s until they have enough traction to eliminate competition and jack up rates.
Apps are getting worse in other aspects. The more users apps ahve, the more the scammers and bots are likely to infiltrated the platforms.
The loneliest and most depressed are likely to be heavy users of dating apps and scammers know how to target them (selfies, divorced/widowed, homebodies etc.)
Apps have failed to scale customer service, privacy and compliance teams to deal with increased bots and scammers on the apps. They make it harder to report cases. They also don’t make it hard for people to have fake accounts on their sites - I know because I have fake accounts on all apps to monitor product changes, price increases and review client profiles.
Dating Culture & Etiquette: People Are Behaving Worse
With increased loneliness, depression, isolation, monetization efforts and desire to stay at home, people are having worst dating experiences.
Anonymity on dating apps make it easy to behave badly online.
Putting too much pressure on first dates make it harder to have organic conversations, get to know others and take things slowly.
Relying on technology for everything in life (food, laundry, transportation, navigation, communication etc.) has made people regress socially more quickly than ever.
Things like cost of living, flakiness, endless options and toxic advice from online forums, facebook groups, IG stories and tik tok posts have mading worse.
Things like dating profile ghostwriters, chatbots, AI generated photos, filtered/photoshopped photos, heightfishing, dating concierge services have also made dating worse.
How To Improve Dating Life, How Do Better With Dating
People need to report bad behavior more often. It’s not enough to simply ignore, block or swipe left.
People need to not only set boundaries but maintain them.
Until people go outside, work on social skills, make (more/better) friends, learn to screen profiles and read people and are happy on their own, dating will continue to be harder than it needs to be.
Stop listening to friends, influencers, and family members about dating advice (they are often biased or unwilling to be brutally honest with you).
Take a break - attitude, personality and optimism help with dating. Being bitter, jaded, dismissive or asking questions like why do men/women (blank). Why is dating so hard in (blank). Stop dwelling on the negative and focus on making change in your life.
Be the change you want to be.
Insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results.
For a deep dive into your dating life and related habits, biases, hobbies, lifestyle choices, and first impressions, get in touch with me.
Analytics geek turned dating coach (as seen in the NYT, Bumble). My clients span straight men & women and gay men seeking relationships, those primarily from large cities i.e. San Jose, Los Angeles, NYC, Chicago, Seattle, London, Sydney, Tokyo, Berlin and those who struggle with first impressions, dating apps, meeting people offline, screening dates and planning fun dates.
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