Modern Dating x AI x Loneliness: AI Dating Tools
A16Z's AI x Dating Landscape: what is says about society, friendships, loneliness. Roast.dating, photofeeler, dating profile ghostwriters & AI generated dating photos, artificial intelligence & dating
If you haven’t seen this chart, I recommend you take a look. It outlines all the apps/startups utilizing AI in the dating space.
https://twitter.com/venturetwins/status/1730274418432286933
Artificial Intelligence & Dating
That’s right, there are over 30 AI apps/companies vying for your screen. Everything from creating fake photos, messaging others on your behalf, and picking date ideas on your behalf.
Call me old school but I am a firm believer in old school approach of getting to know people, asking questions, talking about yourself, being vulnernable, being honest and stating what you want vs relying on apps to tell you what to do.
I do think dating apps can be helpful in some situations but they should never be used as one’s only or or even main dating outlet. These apps should be viewed as introduction tools vs ordering apps but thanks to lack of patience, frustration, monetization efforts and how people treat others online, it’s getting harder and harder to hold out hope.
Modern Dating Advice: Dating & Loneliness: Dealing With Loneliness When Single
15 years ago, dating apps were largely used by introverts, nerds and quirky types before the swipe generation. The stigma around dating apps and sites has subsided over time but especially in the last 4 years as the number of users shot up during the pandemic. Dating apps neared all time-highs in downloads and usage during covid thanks to:
fewer options for offline encounters (safety, WFH);
rising cost of living,
fewer events (compared to pre-covid)
massive relocation of friends/social circles
unwillingness to put one’s dating life on hold for 3+ years
Dating app companies are fully aware of their leverage and dialed up the efforts to take advantage of the opportunity. As a result, dating apps are much harder than before thanks to:
regression in social skills,
consolidation in the industry (Hinge & The League acquired by Match Group), quality apps like HowAboutWe going away
increased monetization efforts
less functionality in the free accounts
All this leaves most dating apps rather useless unless you have a great profile, self-awareness, time, and ability to screen profiles/read people.
The thing is, people have fewer friends to get feedback on their dating efforts and put too much pressure on themselves, matches and first dates.
It’s pretty bad out there. Dating fatigue and frustration is on the rise.
Men outnumber women on apps (see this sample analysis I did on Match.com).
Therapists are leaving the profession in droves.
Men are less likely to see a therapist than women (CDC).
People are pouring their entire self-worth into apps and artificial signs of interests and feeling more dejected than ever.
AI Dating Tools: Photofeeler, Roast.Dating, Dating Profile Ghostwriters, AI Generated Dating Photos
Visit any dating forum on Reddit and see how dejected men and women are. All this has led to people seeking out hacks and ways to get an edge. While these apps/tools may help to get more likes, matches, messages and first dates, it will likely lead to more rejection in the form of:
people leaving dates before greeting if they feel their photos are misleading
people cutting dates short if conversations are bad
I am all for people working on themselves and getting help they need, but misleading others is not the way to do it. Go ahead, try these tools/apps if you wish. People regularly complain about getting high scores on their photos but still no matches, conversations or dates. Data around people and dating can’t be normalized or boiled down to bullet point. The best advice is customized based on context/nuance and factors things like:
intentions, deal-breakers, preferences
timing, availability
biases/tendencies/habits
communication skills
personality, values,
individual experience
—> See my Roast Dating Review here.
Feeling Lonely In A Relationship, Signs Of Loneliness In A Relationship
The fake it til you make can only take you so far. The more people look to cut corners vs learning to be vulnerable, work on themselves and prioritize dating like they do school, work, health, friendships and finances, the more frustrated they will be and the more they will blame apps, each other, society and technology for their dating woes.
In some select cases technology and AI will help people become better daters but in more cases than not, it will likely be embraced by manipulators, scammers and prey on the most vulnerable populations leaving people more frustrated, jaded and fatigued than ever before.
Using Artificial Intelligence While Dating
Relying on technology too much is part of the reason why people are in the position they are in. Spending more time on screens and less time going outside, expanding hobbies, making friends and living in the moment is not the solution.
Even if you manage to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend, most lonely people suffocate their partners, fail to develop themselves and find ways to lead their own fulfilling lives so they have more to offer their partners.
Relationships are about give and take if if you are lonely leading into a relationship, chances are, you will take more than you give. Giving of yourself and time is not the issue but rather giving of your live, your friends, your hobbies and your passions.
Relationships are hard as is, trying to work on yourself and develop basic traits and skills during this time can be extremely challenging. No one is perfect or has everything figured out when dating or entering a relationship but the ones that make relationships work are happy on their own and ready to give of themselves and their lives to others.
Related read: How To Meet People IRL
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Please help me understand what else I should write about: questions, clarity on scenarios, frustrations and more.
About Eddie Hernandez
Analytics geek turned dating coach (as seen in the NYT, Bumble). My clients span straight men & women and gay men seeking relationships, those primarily from large cities i.e. San Jose, Los Angeles, NYC, Chicago, Seattle, London, Sydney, and those who struggle with first impressions, datin apps, meeting people offline, screening dates and planning fun dates.
Artificial Intelligence & Dating, Dating & Loneliness, Loneliness Apps