Am I Too Ugly To Date? Am I Too Ugly To Find Love?
Am I too unattractive to date? Too ugly to find love? Too ugly for online dating apps. Am I too ugly to date? Too ugly for a girlfriend? boyfriend? Too ugly for love?
Am I Too Ugly?
Modern Dating by Eddie is written by Eddie Hernandez, dating coach based in San Francisco. He works with men & women seeking long-term relationships.
Unlike other dating coaches, he doesn’t deliver hot takes on Instagram or Tik-Tok, doesn’t go into red-pill theories nor does he overlook personal experiences when working with clients one-on-one.
He focuses on the building blocks of successful dating attributes like:
first impressions, social skills, hygiene, body language
photos, bios, prompts, messages, strategy, timing
filtering profiles, understanding preferences and deal-breakers
ID’ing red flags, cutting off time-wasters & reading people
Read more about him here: https://moderndatingbyeddie.substack.com/about
Related reads:
Too Ugly For Dating? Too Unattractive To Date?
Dating is brutal. Dating dissatisfaction is at an all-time high.
Covid upended people’s dating lives through:
Loss of jobs
Sickness and death
Reduction in friends (relocation)
Isolation (weight gain, regression in social skills, depression)
Increased dependency on dating apps
Endless news articles and Reddit/Quora posts have bombarded your screens and many are left asking themselves: Am I the problem? What is wrong with me? Am I too ugly to date?
Looking for unbiased dating profile review, check out my services below.
Am I Too Ugly To Find Love? Boyfriend, Girlfriend?
That is a loaded a question that no one can ask but the short answer is yes. It is possible you are too ugly to date but not in the way you think. Attractiveness goes beyond physical looks, it encompasses wardrobe, hygiene, personality, ambition, lifestyle choices, personality and more.
If you think you are too ugly to date, you probably are. People typically don’t find others who are down on themselves attractive. Self-pity is not attractive. Accepting things as is rather than working to make improvements in any aspect of life is not attractive.
I get it, things are tough. Dating seems hopeless and nothing seems to work. That doesn’t mean that’s the way things have to be.
Things That Make You Less Attractive To Men, Women
Client survey: With over a dozen years of working with singles in various capacities (photos, coaching, assessing various outlets to meet people, and image consulting), I always ask clients about traits/habits that make people (un)attractive. While many of these can cover both men and women, some are pretty common among smaller slivers of groups.
Too Ugly For Online Dating: Photo Rating Tools
Technology and apps have created unrealistic expectations with looks and expectations around how your photos should appear and what is attractive means.
Instagram has upvotes to measure likes. Photofeeler gives users platforms to get dating and business photos ranked with scores. Photoshop led to people editing their photos beyond recognition. AI tools can create artificial images based on bad, blurry or old photos. People base their self-worth based on how many likes they get on dating apps.
People rely on apps/technology way too much these days and the results are harmful at best, toxic at worst.
If you are relying on apps, scores and crowdsourcing efforts to measure attractiveness, then it’s going to be tough to adjust this mindset. By rejecting the possibility that attractiveness is more than skin deep, you accept things are out of your control and not much can be done.
Am I Too Ugly To Date? Friendships ~ Dating; Loneliness
The same skills and attributes needed to make friends are the same ones needed to meet romantic interests. A lot of people who ask the question about looks, attractiveness and if they are too ugly to date are usually ones that lack friendships.
People ignore or downplay ‘soft skills’ when dating because it’s easier to deflect blame rather than take an honest look at yourself. Similarly, people often blame their looks because that is relatively fixed and again, deflects blame from areas that you can control and influence.
Levels of attraction can be influenced by the way you make people feel, the way you view yourself and how you take in the world.
Other areas that affect how attractive you are include lifestyle choices (religion, politics, intentions etc.). These things are relatively fixed but they don’t have to be permanent.
Friendships Are A Factor Of:
Proximity
Frequency
Shared Interest/Hobbies
Having friendships may not make you more attractive but lacking friends can make you unattractive in the eyes of others. Being too needy or available can be a turn-off to many.
Casting a net that is too wide-open can make dating inefficient. Failing to acknowledge other people’s interests, deal-breakers and preferences is a waste of time.
Dating When Unattractive: How To Be More Attractive
Hygiene, Skin Care, Grooming, Piercings & Tattoos
Hygiene, grooming skills and skin care and vastly improve conventional/objective measures for attractiveness. Some routines, creams require costs but there are tips that are free but require patience, focus and awareness around your body including alcohol, drugs, sun, soap and daily maintenance.
Similarly, basic things like cleaning bed sheets and pillow cases, using SPF, applying deodorant, drinking water, not touching your face and not popping pimples can go long way to improving skin.
Some things like tattoos and piercings can be divisive. Some people are indifferent about piercings & tattoos. Some view them as ugly/hot no matter what. Some view certain them as tacky depending on what it is, where it’s placed, size etc.
Nutrition, Exercise, Alcohol, Smoking & Drugs
Vices like alcohol, smoking, drugs and diet also affect your appearance. Eating poorly, not exercising, using drugs, smoking or drinking excessively can lead to others thinking less of you. These habits, addictions or lifestyle choices are tough to change but they are levers that can be pulled to make you more attractive.
Wardrobe, Voice, Social Skills & First Impressions
Other items that affect appearance and looks go beyond skin and hygiene such as your clothing and voice. In theory, clothing shouldn’t matter but it does. Clothing size, colors and shapes are more flattering for some bodies and frames. Simple things like ironing clothes and washing clothes can reduce reasons why people will distance themselves from you.
One’s voice is something that people don’t assess when discussing attractiveness. Some people’s voices are not as pleasant as others. Certain accents are deemed more attractive than others. Some people have very high-pitched voices that can sound whiny or self-absorbed. Voice alone will often not make or break you but it is something that people factor when dating and considering relationships. I am not saying it’s right, I am just saying it’s a reason for some people apply in attractiveness measures.
Social skills are another thing people value and look for while dating. The ability to make eye contact, practice good manners, and navigate social settings are areas ones can work on to improve their marketability on the dating front.
Narcissism & Personality - Unattractive Qualities In A Person
Many people overlook the factors that personality and narcissism convey about themselves to others. Things like excessive selfies can be viewed as unattractive to others as it can signal insecurity or need to be at the center of attention all the time.
One’s attitude can make or break someone as being mean or selfish can be a huge turnoff to many. The way your treat others can go a long way and if you don’t think so, you might be beyond help.
A general lack of empathy and listening skills can offset other attributes others value highly. If you think a good education, height, income or physique is enough to be attractive, you are sorely mistaken.
Self-Awareness Is Sexy: Attractive Qualities In A Man, Woman;
Confidence and self-awareness are drastically underrated. Maintaining boundaries is something many people lack. It’s hard to have people respect you if you don’t respect yourself. Do things for yourself first and foremost rather than for others.
The way you carry yourself is key but it’s just as important not to put your self-worth into apps, ratings or strangers. The more you do that, the more likely you are to have distorted view of attractiveness.
You shouldn’t try to change yourself just to seek validation from others but at the same time, there are levers to pull to increase how attractive others find you. It’s up to you to assess if these measures are superficial or if they contribute to you being a better person or at least help you stand out more easily.
You may not be able to control certain variables listed above but there is usually room for improvement in other areas. Sure some items are easier to work on for some vs others but anything worth doing is worth doing well (it just might take some time).
Don’t set unrealistic expectations.
Work on building a good foundation to make small, sustainable and iterative changes.
Rather than ask yourself if you are too ugly to date, focus on self-improvement. Attractiveness is not as much a goal as much as it’s a feeling and mindset.