Speed Dating: What Is It? Does It Work? Virtual Speed Dating & More
Does Speed Dating Work? Zoom Speed Dating, Virtual Speed Dating, Singles Events, Speed Dating vs Online Dating, Singles Events vs Dating Apps
Speed dating has been around for some time and every February, internet searches peak for such activities as Valentine’s Day approaches. The movie Hitch with Will Smith popularized such an event in one scene here.
Speed dating has been getting even more traction as distaste for dating apps has reached all-time highs.
Thanks to Covid, people were largely left to their own devices (phones & dating apps) to meet people due to safety concerns and shutdowns. People are looking to meet others in person and get offline and speed dating offers one possible outlet for such interactions.
Before you sign up blindly for those speed dating events, it’s important to understand how we got here, what to look out for, who speed dating is for and why you should avoid it.
Convential Speed Dating Events
Speed dating events largely were advertised on sites like Craigslist, Meetup, ads on Facebook/Instagram as well as event directories like Eventbrite and more.
At the core, someone would organize an event at a venue and invite people to attend. Assumedly these people woudl be single and they would have a chance to interact with each other at the event. If interested, they would exchange contact info directly or through the organizer.
The idea behind speed dating was to go on many small or mini-dates of about 2-5 minutes to see if there is some kind of mutual interest.
Who Uses Speed Dating? What To Expect From Speed Dating Events?
Some events are very generic and take place during the week or weekends (6-10pm) during off-peak hours. They don’t have a target audience and usually sell tickets to whoever was willing to buy them.
Over time, better organizers surfaced that curated attendees, usually by age groups i.e. 20-30s’ over 50 and the like. These in theory are better but often times pretty lame as there was no itinerary/structure to the events.
The best events monitored signups to balance gender ratios, add activities to the evening rather than have people stand around and talk to each other randomly but event then, these events can leave something to be desired by the turnout.
Typically people who attended events were divorced, single, lacked friends, shy about approaching people offline, new in town or brand new to dating. Often times, speed dating events can feel like an awkward middle school or high school dance
Virtual Speed Dating
With the increased adoption of dating apps, people proved they were willing to meet strangers on the internet without the need to talk with them in person first. Virtual speed dating was born. Similar, to dating apps, people would create simple profiles, login to apps/sites at specific days and times and talk to people who were registered for the event.
Virtual speed dating never really took off as much as other channels i.e. matchmaking, speed dating events in person, dating apps until Covid hit. All bets were off as people wanted to optimize all channels for meeting others while in isolation and when many bars, cafes, clubs, shut down.
Dating Apps & Speed Dating: Bumble Speed Dating
Speed dating had gotten so popular and people have become so frustrated with online dating that dating apps entered the space. They already had the existing technology and user bases to help people connect similar to virtual speed dating platforms but now with greater traction.
Bumble launched Speed Dating not to long ago to force people to connect on video instantly rather than deal with endless texts and ghosting. The first iteration was called Bantr (partnership with the hit show Ted Lasso) but since has ditched the tagline and reverted back to the generic Speed Dating name.
You can read more about Bumble speed dating here.
Speed Dating vs Online Dating, Singles Events vs Dating Apps
Speed dating, virtual speed dating and dating apps have strong overlap among users. These are all low-cost opportunities to interact with other singles.
The problem with speed dating (in-person or virtual) is that not everyone is ready to date and many people are terrible with small talk and have very little to talk about. It can feel akward and users can feel pressure to be their best in a 2-3 minute window with a complete stranger.
Lots of users have little to no time to meet others organcially and that can be a problem as those who lack time to meet others probably lack time to date as well.
Many people view dating apps and speed dating as a shortcut but in actuality, these are merely other channels that require time, patience, research and ability to screen people, ask questions, market yourself etc. (just like apps).
I am not saying you should not use speed dating apps or attend events but don’t expect it to be filled with people you want to date either. The same people who attend events likely are on Tinder or other dating apps (where you blocked them already).
Final Thoughts On Speed Dating
Avoid attending events without direction, curated attendees or low turnouts. Read reviews, walk by before buying a ticket and if necessary, you can probably meet said folks at the bar/event venue after the specified time as they open up to the general public after.
This happened to me years ago by accident as I went to (the Cellar?) for drinks with friends only to find out that there was a Jewish singles mixer than had just concluded minutes prior.
Make sure you are comfortable with small talk. You only have 2-3 minutes to make a good first impression. If you are are shy, don’t have much going on in your life, don’t know how to read people, speed dating may not be any better than dating apps.
For those who are not sure which dating outlet to focus on, I offer consulting services that examples all aspects of one’s life including job, location, demographics, lifestyle, hobbies, available time, personality, style and more to see what mix of dating opportunities should be prioritized.
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About Eddie Hernandez
Analytics geek turned dating coach (as seen in the NYT, Bumble). My clients span straight men & women and gay men seeking relationships, those primarily from large cities i.e. San Jose, Los Angeles, NYC, Chicago, Seattle, London, Sydney, Tokyo, Berlin and those who struggle with first impressions, dating apps, meeting people offline, screening dates and planning fun dates.
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